we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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