I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
