Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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