oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
