Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
