She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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