I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
