either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
