i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
