last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
