Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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