Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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