I'm so fucking centered right now
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
