If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They took my balls.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
