giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
