WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
