I think I died a long time ago.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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