i just had sex bonerless
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
