I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
