if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
