oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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