She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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