And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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