did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
