I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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