i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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