I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
