just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize