Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
