Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize