I'm drive I can fine osifer
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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