Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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