i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
