Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
