You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
