shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
