The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
