Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
