I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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