He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
