She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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