she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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