I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
