At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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