youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
