Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
