the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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