i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
