How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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