just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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