Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
