Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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