Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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