Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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