love makes seman taste better
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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