I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
