my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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