Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
