a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
