Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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