My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize