I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
