everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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