I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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