The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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