a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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