Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
