Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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