i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
