; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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