I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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