she woke up with a sticky ear
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
