a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
