Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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