Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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