Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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