My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
