Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
