she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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