love makes seman taste better
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
