On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
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About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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